Dusk is near and fleeting, the crunch of our feet in the snow is almost inaudible next to the bursting chatter of excited party-goers. We are on our way out of town, headed to some ski hill gathering. I
couldn’t feel farther away from these people. It’s as if I don’t even know them and I feel something is not quite “right”. As we approach the last building in town I look up an feel the stars, a fresh breath of air
fills my lungs.
I glance into the lit up window of the empty log building and see that the cash machine is spitting twenty dollar bills everywhere! As I run in to grab some of the bills the group becomes a frantic mob.
“Oh my god”
I hear, girls shrieking and men shouting. Everyone shoving the money any place it will fit.
I am drawn back outside where reality sets in. A feeling of familiarity and liberation sweeps over me as I reach into my pocket and remove the big stack of money I collected.
“You can have this.” I say with urgency to the girl next to me.
“What!?” She exclaims, “You don’t want your money?”
Seeing absolutely no use for money in a dream I laugh.
“No, It’s all yours,” I say “and I won’t be going with you guys to the party, I hope you have fun.”
Feeling a pull like no other I begin to run down a snowy gravel road.
“You don’t know what you’re missing!” is the last thing I hear of the fading voices.
Alive and invigorated my heart thumps to the rhythm of my footsteps
I become aware of a thought “What am I doing?” as I cut right, almost automatically, straight through the bushes and down this steep slippery hillside. I pick up speed. I am fast like lightning, hurdling over
stumps and logs, dodging trees and holes as if I knew they were waiting. Faster and faster, I start to laugh as my feet skim over the earth, trees jumping out at me from the darkness- and we dance.
As I come to a steep drop-out my heart skips a beat and I stumble. I brace myself and as I look down at my hands…paws…paws!?! I gracefully land on all fours, my sleek black fur shimmering in the moonlight.
Shock-waves ripple through my muscular body as I gallop down the embankment faster and more precise than ever before! Gratitude overflows as I feel my new skin, claws, and bones. Smells begin to
mingle- mosses, earth, rodents, moisture, and blood fill my cool wet nose. Different shades of darkness emerge and a new life is given to the forest as I leap and bound higher over gorges and gaps.
The hillside tapers out once again as I come to a slow trot. I dart over to the right and come to a small grassy patch under a huge crooked tree. My pounding heart steadies and i begin to hear a fullness.
Looking over the valleys, lined in the silver of her moonlight. All of time and space comes to a single point inside of me and I realize this choice called life.
Memories pour in. Feeding on warm deer and rabbits-their bodies returning to earth, being a cub with my brothers and sisters, being a Shaman, and shifting my shape. I arise to feel the sensation of my
spine elongating, my spacious jaw and heavy paws with razor claws. As i walk around this huge grandmother tree, who knows more than I, I realize that I no longer need to be in this form.
As if from the ground up a page is torn and once again I am in two legs. I explore the musky terrain some more. Unexplainable vibrations are playing a game inside if this body.. As if just to be sure of what
has happened, I shift once more into this black jaguar and back again.
Thank You-niverse Pachamama!!! Tears of truth and I am home.
