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It was around 8 pm on July 17th, 2009 when our journey began. There were 17 in our group, plus two young girls from Taiwan in addition to our Ayahuascan Master, Pandora and our Shaman Q'ero leaders. There was nervousness, uncertainty, excitement and wonderment as we began our journey in a narrow, motorized canoe down the River Madre de Dios, "Mother of God".

Such an appropriate name, I thought. "Mother of God, what am I doing?" Everyone was silent as we took our 15 minute boat ride in the jungle of Peru to the beach where we would perform our ceremony. We were advised by our Shaman guide to focus on faith and strength and be open to change.

Most of us were full Mesa carriers, Shamans trained in the West by The Four Winds Society. This was the ultimate dream, to journey to Peru, to experience the mysteries of the Great Death Vine.

After all, it had taken every bit of my earned dollar to get to this point of my journey, in a boat on my way to imbibe the Sacred Ayahuasca.

We sat in a large circle, on top of foam beach floats. The ceremony began with Pandora's chanting and carrying the sacred drink from person to person. When it got to my turn, I gazed down at the small 3 oz serving. It smelled foul and looked like melted brown mushroom gravy. It was difficult to take it all at once and I stopped. Immediately I was urged to drink up quickly. I finished the foul tasting concoction and sat and waited.

It seemed like nothing was going to happen. Others at the beginning of the circle started to loudly wretch and vomit. Someone was laughing hysterically. Then, all at once a wave of nausea hit me and it felt as though a large metal pole was being prodded into my left temple. I left the group to attend to my diarrhea. Then I rejoined the group and the visions began. I traveled to distant galaxies and was greeted by beings, some not too friendly, then I went to the Pleiades and asked why I was left on this earth. They advised me that I was not abandoned, this was my chosen path on Earth at this time in life.

When I returned, from the vision I had more extreme nausea and diarrhea . I was doubled over in a fetal position when one of the Shamans asked if I was alright. I said, "No, I am dying". He checked my heart and said, "No, you are alright, but you must learn to love Mother Earth and not be so much up in the Stars." At that time I said, "I hate you. Ayahuasca ."

He looked at me, walked away and vomited. I knew he had taken the pain out of my body as I immediately felt better and returned to the group and had more visions. I felt such love for him, I understood at that moment the true meaning of unconditional love. Someone just vomited for me!

I then journeyed, I traveled to my home town of New Orleans, where my parents were sleeping in the night. I got between them in bed and told them both that I forgave them for every thing I had ever held against them. Then I did the same for ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, anyone I could ask for forgiveness, I did.

I cried on that beach. Then all at once, I realized nothing mattered but love. I said out loud, "There is nothing but love". Pandora came to me and sang, "Amour, Amour, Amour" and blew smoke in my face.

I shouted out loud "I love you, Ayuhuasca."

I had felt hate, sadness, betrayal, forgiveness, peace and love all in a matter of 5 hours which felt like 3 days.

Others in the group were stumbling back to our motorized canoe, some vomiting still over the side of the boat. We returned to our Jungle Bungalows and I slept the night away, still feeling rather high.

Since years have passed after that long intense night of emotions, I have realized that this was the turning point for my heart. In purging away all the pains of childhood, all the hardness and anger that I blamed upon others, I made the way for freedom and started a road of responsibility.

It was my first and last night with the Sacred Plant Medicine. I am so grateful that I had the courage to imbibe on that fine night on the River Madre de Dios. I left many dark emotions behind that night for Mother Earth to mulch away. To this day I remain free from many obstacles that once plagued me from childhood to womanhood. Thank you Ayahuasca, for your many profound lessons.