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 Post subject: can't focus, schizophrenic
 Post Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:25 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:04 pm
Posts: 4
i recently remembered 2 specific traumatic experiences from my life and i'm trying to cope with them and i'm doing a pretty good job but i'm distracted b/c i think my friend is trying to kill me although i've done what the spirits have asked to heal our relationship so far and things are okay for now but i still have my fear. i've been seeing a jaguar stalking me (the only thing im writing about that happened in a trance) and i gave it what it asked for but i'm still a little uneasy and really distracted and spacey. mostly paranoia, i think people are in my house, they move my stuff to screw with my head, they have cameras and they are trying to poison me with this government drug that you can't build an immunity to and only goes away with the antidote. and hes been giving me pills that make me go crazy b/c the place he works for has a program to try new drugs on test subjects but i'm his only test subject. the only symptoms of the poison are a warm (left) ear, a swollen neck muscle on the right, and an itchy nostril. he wants to kill me b/c he thinks i gave him an std somehow (this is why he has the cameras). also i thought i slept with somebody, and i thought i talked to her about it a year or so later but she doesn't remember. i tried to heal a friend while i was on acid (probably a bad idea) b/c he scared me, his voice changed and he was ringing a bell that kept changing tones, hes my sisters boyfriend and after the good part of the trip turned bad i couldn't stop seeing john and yoko everywhere. i thought i saw a demon in him but i didn't know what it was so i tried to wrestle it but it didn't work so i reached out and touched his energy field and he felt it b/c he said "what was that?" i feel like the demon wanted my sister but now i feel like it might have entered me and its really screwing with me. this happened a few days before i swallowed a crystal that hurt my stomach, i thought i had internal bleeding and went to 2 hospitals about 2 weeks later b/c i didn't trust the first hospital. they said i was fine but i was still paranoid. also i ate a really big crystal in a trance, i had to make myself 50 ft tall to swallow it and i tried to put it back and i made the place i took it from look really nice but i still don't know. any help is greatly appreciated. i know i sound crazy and for a little while i wasn't sure but now i really think this stuff is true and i'm not so sure i'm crazy anymore which worries me b/c that means i AM crazy or its true.


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 Post subject: Re: can't focus, schizophrenic
 Post Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:46 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:55 pm
Posts: 15
An interesting article, I understood many things. :)


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 Post subject: Re: can't focus, schizophrenic
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:04 pm
Posts: 4
like what? any guiding insight? could really use your help


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 Post subject: Re: can't focus, schizophrenic
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:04 pm
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the scary thing is i'm not crazy, i insist i'm not crazy, the plan is to make me seem crazy so i get locked up in a loony bin, still no proof, just memories b/c i told him most of what i remembered like an idiot but not everything. basically just a bunch of people hiding in my woods trying to scare me and waiting for the right moment to beat the shit out of me, possibly maim or kill me. they've had the cameras for at least 2 months now maybe longer and i've done a lot of disturbing stuff they don't like and i stopped doing it but they think its b/c i know they're there, not b/c i actually changed. just been trying to keep active to take my mind off of it. i don't think they'll kill me if i show them that i'm trying to do what i'm suppossed to do. i saw his shoes here on the shoe rack the one day and the next time i saw him he had new ones. my neighbor found gloves and a mask inside his RV. they put an injured copperhead in the middle of my garage (not from my cat, my cat would have killed it or been bitten if he did it). i've seen lights underneath cars that look like reflections but the cars don't have anything shiny and there was a mudflap for them to lay on underneath it. they like to turn the fans on and put stuff in odd positions that they wouldn't be able to get into on accident. we have this thing to put in front of the door to keep out the draft that looks like a long dog, i started watching the ears to see if anybody came inside when i wasn't paying attention but they ripped the ears off. they poison my cigarettes, my water, my food, he puts it on his hands when i go over to his house and gets me to touch it then washes his hands for 5 minutes. i think hes got something to make it less effective for him but i'm not sure. i think he takes the antidote every time. wish i could prove it, haha. their favorite thing to do is to move things ever so slightly so that i can't tell if they actually moved them. so i'm crazy, big deal, i can live with crazy, none of this would have happened if i listened to the shaman that tried to train me 5 years ago, he got mad at me b/c he thought i wasn't practicing enough and shot me with a dirty arrow even though i was practicing and getting pretty good at it but he set me back another three years so now i'm only a little better than when i first started b/c i forgot everything for so long. (can anybody do anything about dirty arrows? i've recently been hit with another one b/c i gave my friend herpes even though he shot me with it before he even knew if any of us had it, honestly i think b/c of this he gave it to himself but he wouldn't understand this and it would make things worse if i tried to tell him he insists he doesn't have anything and offered to get tested but i still don't trust him, he keeps asking if i've seen anything on him that looks like herpes but i didn't know i had it so i don't know how i would know if he had it. i'm not sure what it is, just dry skin in some places sometimes and a couple of itchy red dots, internet doesn't help, all their herpes pictures are crazy gross and whatever i have is pretty mild, i think somebody said shingles but the internet doesn't help with this either. this is why i don't know why they're so mad at me, i didn't ruin anyones life or anything, just some itching and some dry skin and if i do have it its b/c i stayed at this contractor's house i was working with b/c hes a worthless piece of shit and couldn't pay his crack dealer so his dealer had his nasty wife rub her herpes all over our bathroom, he told me this but it was so messed up i didn't believe him, i was probably drunk too, i'm usually drunk when important stuff happens i need to remember this asshole owes me 2 grand for work i did and he owes my dad 1000 too. he also ran up a 1600 electric bill in my name b/c he ran up his electric too high and they shut it off so im trying to get him for fraud cause theres no way im paying it. i tried to get tested for STDs yesterday but i didn't have fifty dollars, still short 40 but i think it might be on my hands so i've been wearing gloves to keep it from spreading. i hope he doesn't try and make it seem like i killed my grandma b/c i love my grandma and she helps me out a lot, i wouldn't do that, and if i did i wouldn't get anything out of it b/c i don't think her will says anything about me. she wants me to try for myself, tough love you know? i used to hate her for it but its working so i can't complain. funny thing is she can't get it b/c shes had it for a while and shes not sure how she got it, said she let somebody borrow her make up, i just don't want my brother to get it and hes been saying that hes itchy so ive got to get tested and if i have it ive got to get medication and then try to save up another 50 to get him tested. i should look into schizophrenia medication while i'm at it but my friend says schizophrenic people don't want to take medication but if it helps i don't see why not) i've heard a couple people mention it but now that i'm catching on they talk less about it. he speaks in riddles to try and give me clues. its more like a game really except no matter what i lose, its just a matter of how badly i lose. i really don't mind if they kill me, i just want to have some fun until then. i can't be mad at anybody except myself, its all my fault, the first dirty arrow really messed me up though, every time someone says something really important i can't focus on them and it sounds like gibberish. i've missed out on a lot of great opportunities b/c of this, could really use some help about this, i'll try to see if i can find the guy that did it but the day after he did it he tried to take it back but he couldn't fix it. i lost my house, my car, all my money, in serious debt and i'm going crazy or maybe i'm not and i just think i'm going crazy but i'm really just being told important things by my spirit guides and dismissing them as crazy thoughts. can anybody help with this? i'm sorry for the gibberish, i took a personality test (infp) and apparently i'm a horrible writer, haha, please help if you can, thank you


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 Post subject: Re: can't focus, schizophrenic
 Post Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 9:05 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:46 pm
Posts: 1
Hello. I am unsure if you will ever actually read this, but I related very much to your experience and noticed no one else replied. I hope you are less anxious these days.

Back in 2010, I was anxious that I had a disease that would spread to anything I had touched, and that little girls and family members and friends had caught it from me. I would wash clothes if id borrowed them, I would tell people to wash sheets and blankets after I'd used them, I washed my hands constantly, washed the toilet and door handles, and attempted to wash every single item in my house so my mother would not catch it. It turns out I did have herpes, oral herpes, and it had spread to other areas of my body. I got a test. It did not look like the photos online.

But it does not spread that easily. Do not worry. People can only catch it if they have contact with your saliva, like deep kissing, when you have an open sore, or through sexual contact. If its something like molluscum, a rash that eventually goes away, you can only get that through skin to skin contact with the infected area. These types of diseases and rashes are not like a cold that spreads everywhere. Go to the doctor, get examined, research whatever it is you have and how it is spread so you know for sure you are not spreading it and can rest easy.

I do not know what to do about the dirty arrows. I don't have experience with dirty arrows. But you can heal this. You can heal yourself. Try not to let fear overcome you, and do not let your fear make decisions for you.

The voices. Some may be spirits, some may be demons, some may be animals, some may be your ego (yourself). Not all of the advice they give is good advice. Use discretion. It may seem like everything they are telling you to do is for your benefit (like healing your relationship with your friend), but this is not always true. It wasn't for me. Trying to fix everything I had done wrong only made me worse. Focus on the here and now. Focus on what will realistically help now. Don't try to fix all of the mistakes you may have made in the past, or things you have said. It seems like a very big deal and it is overwhelming but it is really not that big of a deal for others. Your friends just want you to be happy. If they were unhappy with how you treated them, they likely would have said so.

Medication. If you still cannot function, and nothing else is helping, go to a psychiatrist, tell them about your experiences. You will get diagnosed and given medication. Please take care to notice how this medication effects you. If you have unlivable side effects, tell the doctor and he or she can change the medication. Remember that you are not your label, you are not "a schizophrenic". Your experiences are not invalid because you have schizophrenia, and your experiences are not meaningless. Maybe when you are in a happier or more "down to earth" place you will be able to look at all of these experiences objectively.

Good luck. If you have read this, srgaston, you can email me at pygmalion.complex@yahoo.com. Anyone else having similar experiences can also email me and I will try my best to help them.

- Hawk eyes


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 Post subject: Re: can't focus, schizophrenic
 Post Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 3:02 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:20 am
Posts: 14
U should seriously consider gut psychology

Go on a dairy, wheat & gluten free diet. This may help with your schizophrenic symptoms a lot!!


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