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 Post subject: Where do I begin?
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:31 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:05 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Illinois
Hello. I'm 19, and from Illinois. I'm female biologically, but I often identify strongly with being male.

I have no American Indian bloodline that I'm aware of, but I do recall living as a medicine man in a past life, although I am unaware of the Nation I was a member of.

In this life, for as long as I can remember, I find I still have many connections to things American Indian, as well as the spiritual. I am told by many that i give off vibes of a "healer", and by someone at an American Indian museum, that I do have medicine. A few have even felt that I am a Shaman, or meant to be, that is for various reasons. I have also been told I give off a strong presence, and "unearthly" vibes. I can see auras, and my aura color is mainly green, with (what looks like) indigo and blue at the hands.

I have been a member of the otherkin and therianthropy communities from time to time, and no, I don't feel "human". However, at the same time, i wonder if the not feeling human is just because I am different, as opposed to actually not being human per se.

I have strong feelings toward nature, and love herbs and trees (hence my username). I want to heal, and I am going to college, majoring in the medical field. I want to be a doctor.

I feel animal-like very often. I have experience a phenomena called a "mental shift" (where you go into the mental state of an animal, but do not physically change, of course). Interestingly, though, I have not found any particular animal that is quite "me". I can go from animal to animal, and somehow take on their energies, even shift into them (although wolf and a large feline seem to be the only animals that cause involuntary shifts). When I meditate on what animal I feel inside, I feel fox very clearly. When I shift, it is generally into wolf. Most people see deer in me, the way I walk, ect. I'm very connected to bats, and have always loved them. Often, when I scry (look into a mirror and focus on yourself/open eyed meditation), I see the shadows form a vampire bat like face over my own.

I have put some thought into what my totems are from time to time as well. One of my totems, I believe is bear.

I have had much contact with spirits. I can see them to a degree, and sense them even more than I see them. I do not choose to communicate much with them, however, though they seem drawn to me. I have gone numerous times for psychological evaluation, for fear that I am crazy, yet I am never proclaimed as such by the therapists.

Furthermore, I have suffered from mysterious symptoms. I frequently have stomach pain, diarrhea, and throw up often. I run low grade fevers from time to time, and can get very tired more easily than most. I have been to the doctor too many times to count, and they have tested me for many things, including (but not exclusively), celiac disease, thyroid problems, and crohn's. All tests were negative. The doctors have no clue what is going on. I am not sure if this relates, however.

Throughout my life, I have also had dreams of being eaten/consumed. They are very powerful, frightening dreams. Of course, as with the above paragraph, I am not sure if this relates either, but I've heard it can.

I have entered the Shaman community a couple times. One member of a yahoo group kept telling me "No, that's not what Shamanism is", yet she would not help me by explaining what it really is.

Needless to say, I'm quite confused and unsure. I keep wondering if I'm a shaman, or if something else is going on.




-TreeVoice


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:57 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:42 am
Posts: 210
Location: Alexandria, Virginia USA
well, my goodness and hello! You certainly are on quite a journey.

Part of becoming a shaman is knowing yourself. Until you discover all your parts - both light and shadow, you will not know. And then, what you will discover is that you are none of those things - and that you are more than those things.

Shamanism isn't about labels or tricks or how many guides or healings you do. It's about integrity; it's about finding your truth; it's about leaving the known and going into the unknown.

And it's up-front and personal.

There's no glory here - not like a medical doctor receives. No slight intended, but the AMA could use a good dose of NOR.

There is much knowledge and wisdom here. Read, post, and be open.

welcome!


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:02 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:05 pm
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Location: Illinois
I do feel I know myself more than most, but by beginning soul searching I have confused myself somewhat. I truly want to be a shaman as well, but I do not want it for glory, rather, I want to help others. This is the same reason for becoming an MD that I have.

I also wonder about the possible "shaman sickness", and if that is what is truly causing my physical problems. If it is, I wonder what would "cure" it, and how I would go about "healing" myself.



-TreeVoice


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:45 pm
Posts: 48
Location: Dallas, Texas
TreeVoice,
I sense a calling. Have you tried a vision quest? Have you found any local shamanic circles?


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:44 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 3:35 pm
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Location: Finland
It sounds a little, what I have read from books, that spirits are boiling you, preparing you for your mission in life. If this is the case, 'boiling' ends when you are ready/spirits decide to do so.


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:56 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:05 pm
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Location: Illinois
No, I have not yet tried a vision quest, nor have I found any local Shamanic circles. I've been looking, however.



-TreeVoice


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:59 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:42 am
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Location: Alexandria, Virginia USA
TreeVoice wrote:
I do feel I know myself more than most, but by beginning soul searching I have confused myself somewhat. I also wonder about the possible "shaman sickness", and if that is what is truly causing my physical problems. If it is, I wonder what would "cure" it, and how I would go about "healing" myself.


TreeVoice,
In what way do you feel you have confused yourself?

The "shaman sickness" is sometimes triggered by the Spirits, and can be extremely serious... bordering on insanity. There is no cure per se, nor can you cure yourself of it. It must run its course, and if you survive, you're in (so to speak).

The "healiing yourself" comes when you start to recognize the Shadow aspect of your being and deal with it, and realize that it is what has brought you to this place. It's your path. Walk it carefully and with great respect and love.


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:42 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:05 pm
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Location: Illinois
Rachara El wrote:
TreeVoice,
In what way do you feel you have confused yourself?


That is something that would be very hard to explain, except in detail. At times, even I am not sure exactly how I confused myself. I believe that I have gone into such detail, though, and such in-depth questioning, that I went almost too far and feel that I no longer know myself as I once did.


-TreeVoice


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 3:27 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:34 am
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Location: New Mexico
Any particular reason you want to be a physician? That will suck the life out of you, lol!


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 10:21 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:42 am
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Location: Alexandria, Virginia USA
TreeVoice wrote:
I believe that I have gone into such detail, though, and such in-depth questioning, that I went almost too far and feel that I no longer know myself as I once did.

actually, that is good. You have kinda done what is known as "deconstruction," where you have taken all the pieces parts apart, and see that they don't necessarily fit back together.

Now, you are free to reassemble your life in a much more appropriate way.


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:08 pm 
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Location: Illinois
shamanRN wrote:
Any particular reason you want to be a physician? That will suck the life out of you, lol!



Since a young age, I have shown intense interest in healing and the human body. I used to read anatomy books all the time (and still do on occasion). Illness, and how to treat it, fascinates me! I also want to help others.

I don't think that being a physician, as mentally and physically straining as it is, will "suck the life out of me". Few things could do that, trust me ;)


-TreeVoice


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:32 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:35 pm
Posts: 98
Location: Stafford Springs ,CT US
Hi Treevoice, I love your name! I want to make a comment about being a physician. The world is changing very rapidly not only Earth changes but all facets of our life. Practiceing Shamanism a hundred years ago is much different today. If I could have done it I would have been a doctor. I'm sorry I said that wrong. I would have been practiceing Shamanism and a doctor. When a person dose'nt live there life in a positive way. And has no clue who they are. They live ther life's in a box. Go to work every day, come home, drink a couple beers go to bed and do it over and over again.Depressed and not happy. Soon this person will develope a illness there's hundreds that can effect the person. The person's body was in many ways warning the person over the years. But were ignored like many do. So lets say the person's path that he has taking .He developed heart problems. This is were the doctor can help the patient with his shamonic ability's and help his physical damaged body with his schooling to be a doctor. Usually a person that is ill will get a secound chance to change there ways and be able to change afinally walk there true path. So I know this would be a win win situation and the patient would be very lucky to have such a knowlegable spiritual doctor. Blessings Jim


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:05 pm
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Location: Illinois
I agree with you, Jim! It would be beneficial for a patient to have a doctor who is both a shaman and a physician. That would be like double experience, and double benefit. A shamanic doctor could both help physically, as well as spiritually.

This reminds me: I've actually often thought of creating a clinic for both new-age and physical healing, but told by many that a lot of people wouldn't trust that. What does everyone here think?



-TreeVoice


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:04 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:22 pm
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Location: Zürich
My experience and research has led me to the conclusion that people trust people, much more so than ideas or institutions. Same goes for influence. So if the clinic you build is an extension of yourself, and your present yourself as persuasive and trustworthy, you'll be on to a winner! Blessings for your journey.


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 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:56 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 3:35 pm
Posts: 301
Location: Finland
Hi Treevoice!
I read your message again, and same time received better understanding of situation. I really wish you very good luck and strenght and endurance for your studies.
Do not count on too much people's opinions, but follow your heart, even when feeling not so secure. There will come hard times and doubts, but live those over. You do not need to know what category you represent, a shaman, a doctor, new-ager... Just be what you are and follow that. Those categories are human made and everything cannot be categorizied (some may not agree with that). That intellectual debate about differents terms, concepts do not help in healing people, if that is your thing. It is not necessary to describe yourself by these terms(and have a mess in mind thinking about it over), but you can find your own words to do that.
I hope you have the courage to become a doctor and same time use all your talents for the best of your patients. Your kind of doctor I would use.


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