Hi. It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. I've just been reading silently. I decided to post tonight though because this has been on my mind lately. Please forgive what hopefully won't seem like a silly question, but I'm genuinely unsure of a direction.
After months of soul searching, learning on my own, and trying to "find myself," a process I know can take a lifetime, I've come to the wonderful conclusion that this path is still the one I should follow. I have also reached the conclusion that the time is coming to look for a teacher and I have no idea how to go about finding one, or more accurately I suppose, how to go about letting one find me. I have never been someone that others have really seen has really worth teaching much to, in so many areas of life and I suppose that logically might come through in any spiritual practice too. It isn't as though I'm seen as stupid or anything. It's more that there is always somebody more noticeable, more capable of showing potential, more able to show their desire to learn a new task. I've so often faded into the background in life, and it's come to seem like it doesn't occur to anyone that they CAN show me something or let me learn. Of course I'm speaking of day to day life things here, such as taking on new jobs at work, or being asked to bake a cake for a party. But a lifetime of that, has an effect on my ability to bother to try seeking a teacher too.
For years I've had a great interest in Native American spirituality. It was always the oddest thing. I have no ties to the native people at all, but I've so often thought of learning anyway. I know their have been white people who have done this, and in many cases it seems it's not entirely frowned upon. But I must admit to being clueless as to how to pursue such a thing. What's worse, I have a couple of family members who are most hateful and clueless toward cultures outside of our own. Sadly Native Americans have gotten the worst of their ignorance, with most every other people not far behind. They would not take too kindly to finding out that I want to study shamanism or native spirituality. I can hardly say I care what they think personally. Likely it would only end in me being made fun off or misunderstood, but when has that not happened. Thing is though I do have concerns over much much hardly it will been to find a teacher, considering I come from a family that now contains a pair of ignorant racist... well don't even get me started.
I would be most grateful for any advice on where to go from here.