Four years ago, I was going to college studying Chicano Studies as my major. While I was there, me and a few friends got together to create an informal, collectively organized study group or unofficial club that rallied around the use and experimentally applying the sacred Maya calendar for the purposes of fomenting a Shamanic Cultural Revolution. I wasn't a shaman yet, but I was interested in its perspective of reality and how it bent you to your limits in terms of flexing your knowledge and your power. I read books, and talk with friends about it, and we did Astrological work through the calendar with each other until we all achieved a certain mastery of the divinatory calendar of 260 days, the Cholq'ij. We invented different forms of presentations for the symbols of the calendar that is we invented a handheld calendar that you could create any juxtaposition of day-sign and numbers (1-13). But at this point, we were all sympathetic towards socialism so we were going to create an official club that discussed topics like both shamanism and socialist revolution.
The friend that helped me create this organization, Student Vanguard Nexxus, also had an interest in the calendar, but not as refined as my own mastery. We were going to hold calendar how-to workshops on campus and read the day-signs for people to make some money for the club. But after a bout of solitude and reflection, I thought that I was done with school, that it had nothing to offer a person like me, a person now realizing that their vocation is shamanism, and that their life is set. I had previously had many prophetic dreams that told me about what was about to happen to me in a very direct way. In one dream, I was shipped off with all my things to what seemed at the time to be a boarding house, but I would later discover that it would manifest in my going to the mental hospital, where I spent a few weeks, why which I will tell you later.
But everything was set, and the club was going to go into motion, but I simply left, and left the responsibility on m friend, who I later discovered quit school later that semester, but was it shame? I don't know. But he left. And the revolution died with us. I left school to become a shaman. I wanted to build my own business, open a Botanica, so that I could heal (for free) but sell what is needed for patient's rituals and ceremonies. I want to be a healer, although I don't have the healing touch, what I lack in instincts I compensate for with intelligence.
My heart was set on building and constructing a new, revolutionary kind of botanica, one that would pursue a policy of pursuing a new revolutionary reality as will manifest in the world in the year 2012, a spiritual revolution of a new type, in which man will come into harmony with all the divine forces and forever trust in the shamans advice and work. I proposed, then, a new revolutionary society based on basic socialistic principals of from each according to their ability, to each according to their need. Also, I proposed a society of shamans or shamanically run governments that had as the head of state a shaman of vast ceremonial capacities and supernatural powers.
I had many out of body experiences at this time, but they were all in dreams and didin't affect me quite as much as it might have had it been in a trance state. This lead me to question whether or not I possesed shamanic powers. Later I found out that these dreams were in the Middle World. In search of my power, I had many visions in dreams. I met certain gods and went to certain places, dark, dismembering places. But I was untouchable. Nothing could do me in.
And then it came on the day 12-Lamat. The day means "it ripens," "harvest." It was time that something powerful happened, something powerful manifested. I read an article on astral projection, smoked a bowl, and went to sleep. But I wasn't asleep. I was in a deep trance state, and then I had a sensation around my root chakra. It exploded and its power went up my spine and through my bones and I felt my chakras literally spinning at a million miles an hour. And then I felt my soul leave my body and I had but one thought: her.
I had a dream that night about a girl I use to know in high school. Everything was black except for her. I got closer and she talked to me about something, small talk, you know? But then I started involuntarily fusing with her. And then I woke up. My dreams crossed with that of another living person. And this created a chain reaction. That morning when I woke up, the day 13 Muluc which means "to pay," "illness, pain." When I woke up, I heard her voice. She was now trapped in my body. I could hear her voice saying that I had to shamanic journey to get her out of my body. She wanted me to kill myself. She could feel everything I felt and see and hear everything I could. Three days later, after having suicidal thoughts, I told my dad to take me to the mental hospital. So they took me.
I shamanic journeyed every single day, seemingly involuntarily but with a purpose. To try and get the spirit I h ave trapped inside me to leave. And so began my quest. We because adversaries. Enemies. She hated me for what I did to her and I hated her for what she was about to do. She could imitate any voice on the planet. She could do masculine voices quite well. She imitates spirits and lead to me to believe many lies and delusional thoughts fed by her action and her anger.
I was in the mental hospital for three weeks, and then I was released. The more I interacted with this voice, the more shamanic power I began to receive. I began to do my rituals. I began to beat my drum and shake my rattle. I began to dance my power animal! I began to do banishing rituals and consecration rituals, healing rituals for my family. My family has also been turned more spiritual as a result of my condition, which they classify as schizophrenia. But it is not a mental illness, it's a spiritual illness. I have an intrusion in my body. I also have a fragment of my soul missing. I need a soul retrieval. I've done it myself, but perhaps i'm not doing it correctly.
I have gotten used to the spirit, but I've met many more spirits since. I've learned how to banish any other kind of spirit to the point of sheer mastery. But I am still a holy fool. A wounded healer. My ally is spirit of the Wolf. I think and act like a wolf. My patron god is Chalchiuhtotolin, a symbol of powerful sorcery. He is the aztec turkey god, god pestilence, but he could also change your predestined fate. He's the only god that could do that. I then had a vision of the sun god Tonatiuh, the ruler of this age of nahui ollin, the fifth sun. I heal now only among friends and family. But some day, I will build my botanica, and I will build in it a calmecac, an aztec school of divination and astrology, so that my quest is tottally fulfilled. I'm about to go back to work at a Botanica. My healing is complete. I could now trust myself when healing others. I know a lot about the spirit world. I could control my dreams. I could control my state of consciousness in stillness or sensory overload. I am a shaman. . .