My teacher received the information that since I was too afraid to let go of some energies when the guidance came, she can no longer be my healer. Once she said this, I felt I had deviated from my life plan, and that I cannot get back on it.

I know I must let go, but I cannot shake this feeling of no longer having a plan to propel me quickly through healing, and that now I was told I must receive healing through helping others and the earth.

How do I shake this awful, awful feeling? Can I? It is driving me mad.

There are times, when we are not open to listen and then we suffer. Me too.

Without knowing you very well, this is quite much about quessing. But anyways your writing and dream brings me feeling, that old ways are done. You and your family have become slaves of your own thoughtpatterns how things should be and look like. Now energy do not want to move to that direction any more. All attempts would be headbanging against a wall.

Your soul, energy or whatever wants more to get free of yourself and experience something new. Or at least stop doing what you have been doing so far. Could not actually pick any new directions from the dream. Maybe just calming down, rest and certain amount of surrendering to the will of your own heart (or god) will bring you back to listening phase/mode. Rationalizing will only make things worse, cause there is so much which is beyond understanding.

Sometimes it is that a person need to be ready at the moment to fulfill lifeplan and there is no other chances in this lifetime, but you need to wait for the second. Sometimes lifeplan is very much to do with the persons around, who have limited lifespan and cannot wait very long. If it comes to that, here is anyway much to doo. Just ask your soul to draw a new plan. Here is much opportunities to learn, experience and development. No reason to panic.

I quess, you even should not. Let it be the driving force to motivate your healing work. That is how wounded healer sometimes work. It is lot easier to understand pain of others, when suffering own. Just direct it into healing work for others.

I cannot stand it though. Everything feels empty and like I no longer *can* do as planned. I am starting to have thoughts of taking my own life because everything feels so awful and I can't get rid of it. I feel like I'm going insane.

Hrmph. This sounds alerting and awful.
When things get that bad, help outside may be needed just to get any grip on something. Feeling empty and having no purpose at all is a situation, not envied by anybody, but also survived by many. All here do not even ever see their soulplan, and use all their time to avoid it.

Sometimes it comes to that, a person needs to be fully immersed with the hopelessness, anxiety until the bottom is reached and new beginning can be started. You may start feeling numb, and acting like zombie. Life goes by and you are not living along. Even when things feels bad your soul is immortal and it will survive everything.
You must not get any room for suicidal thoughts. It will solve nothing, soul-level problems will follow until lesson is learned.

I wish you much endurance and a safe shoulder to lean on to ease carry on the hard time. For me it helped to put my faith on my own soul, when things were hard and hopeless, when there seemed to be nothing to hold on.

hi,I am dmjy,510 has a special meaning so I add to my username,you also can all me dm.I am new here,nice to meet you all .we will be frineds.can we?