I totally understand!
Why don't you take a look at my post shamanic-help-f9/looking-for-a-teacher-t564.html
Many years ago, I was sincere of heart ....looking for a teacher who would connect with me at a heart level. I had been 'scalded' before and in all honesty, wasn't sure I could face that again. But my prayers were answered...and I found a teacher whom helped me heal on so many levels. I have been studying with Shaman Elder Maggie Wahls now for five years. I would certainly suggest you write to her and ask her any questions that you have. She always loves to be asked questions! LOL
I hope this helps.
Wishing you all the best on your journey.