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 Post subject: Help needed
 Post Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 2:22 am 
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I sit here before you, humbled by the gods, the days, and Spirits. In my quest for shamanic power and knowledge, I have come to a crossroads in my left where I find that life is meaningless and to continue on the shamanic path would be worthless to me. That is not to say that I disrespect shamanism in any way. It is my life, or at least has been for quite some time. But the effect the effect it is having on me is crushing me. Before I elaborate on this, let me tell you a little bit about what the mayan calendar says about my destiny. The mnemonic phrase for my day is "gather together gossip, trouble, or harassment." And the meaning of the day, as set forth in the Florentine Codex is:

Quote:

All those born under it, men and women, were augered very bad luck. They were to be blind, lame, maimed, pimply, leprous, claw-handed, mangy, bleary-eyed, lunatic, insane, with all the ills and sicknesses associated with the above calamities.


And from Time and the Highland Maya:

Quote:

Will have a troubled and harassed life full of punishment from the ancestors. Such a person would not have the strength necessary to help others and thus would not be trained as a diviner [or shaman].


Having said this before you, I would like to apologize if i've seemed arrogant or stupid. All my allies have left me. The aztec gods have given me the omen of rain that signifies my death of natural causes. I feel like i'm dying. I have susto or chronic fright. I haven't the strength to shamanic journey and the dark forces of the cosmos are trying to recruit me to do their dirty work. But I have reflected on this for some time now. I will not be their lackey. I will not do their work.

However, my illness I feel is of a shamanic character, but nonetheless, I now say it loudly: I REFUSE THE CALL! I refuse to submit myself to the life as a shaman. It just too overwhelming for me to handle. I have been having anxiety attacks for some time now and the voices in my head want me to parish. They are doing everything in their power to crush me from inside out, taunting me, laughing at me, sighing at my romanticism. I have not sinned against the gods, but I have been very selfish in my practice. I have practice grey magick. I have tried to influence people to my wishes and from this my mind and soul bare responsibility. What I mean by grey magick is that I tried to use shamanic powers to start a worldwide cultural revolution of a shamanic character. But this backfired and blew up in my face. Now all my spirits are gone and refuse to communicate with me. I thought it was a noble cause, but as Lenin said: "cast away illusions, prepare for struggle."

There is a communistic demon hiding in my mind. I was a socialist revolutionary when I was a kid, i'm not sorry. But when I found shamanism and the Cholq'ij calendar, my life changed. I was driven away from the masses and ventured into myself in solitude. I begged to stars, to the planet, our mother, and to the spirits of the four directions among others, but now I find myself at a bend in the road. Is it wrong to persuade people to what you think is a noble cause? It depends on who you ask. As the Wiccans would say, it is coming back to me times three.

I feel this is the end. To refuse the shamanic call is a mortal mistake. There is no other road but to make death my ally, something I have refused to do in past and something I am terrified at doing in the present moment. As that old punk song once said "my world is crumbling, my ship is weighted down."

There is still some hope. The Cholq'ij calendar and its nawales and spirit protectors cannot abandon me. They cannot abandon me. They have been internalized into my soul, embedded in my spirit. I cannot lose them. There is, after all, a bright side to my day-sign. Another mnemonic for is "setting the table for the gods," as well as "to hold water, to plant or set out," which I find to mean that I can plant a seed in this world that will bare fruit, provided that it has been sowed with the correct Intent. I have set the table for the gods for the last time, and I have petitioned Spirit of the Wolf to come back to me, even if the actual act of shamanic journeying is so excruciatingly painful to me.

The reason I write this is to perhaps to find someone that is willing to help me refuse the call without dying. I regret much. But I know deep down in my heart that what I have done is 1)To crush my enemies from within, 2)To accumulate shamanic knowledge for world revolution and 3)To learn to heal my fellow man. But my spiritual education has not prepared me for what I am about to go through. Even though I am afraid, I want to travel up through each level of the thirteen heavens of my worldview in order to beg and cry to supreme being, the creator of the universe, to absolve me of my negativity and let me be pure at heart so that I MAY LIVE!

I don't know if I will ever have the strength to respond to any answer I may get, but observe what goes on on this thread. My guardian spirit devoured me a few night ago (the wolf), and I don't what other power to summon or to appeal to in order to get me out of this problem. I am to weak to be a shaman. The universe is consuming me and I feel like my life is roughly coming to an end. I again appeal to you horde of shamans to please muster up all of your intelligence to try to give me a hint of the guidance that I need. I may not be articulate, but I hope my words are taken sincerely. Please. . .help me!.

I have taken it upon myself to consult the maya oracle, which is sacred tzi'te divination. I am not an Aj'qij, but I tried. The interpretation is taken from the book Jaguar Wisdom by Keneth Johnson. Here is the result:

DIAGNOSIS:
8-Muluc--"to pay," "illness, pain." Payment of karmic debts; suffering. Appearing as the result of a divination, Water is primarily an indicator of some karmic debt that must be paid. This might mean that the querent has offended the customs of the Ancestors (i.e., his own socio-political values) and must make amends. If the question concerns an illness, then it is some debt-whether individual or to the collective--that has caused this sense of "dis-ease" in the individual. Higher numbers indicate a debt that is either of long standing or somehow "karmic."

1-Men--"to cry for," "to ask for," Eagle has a spiritual meaning--it may mean that the querent cries out like the eagle, asking for wisdom.

5-Cauac--"gather together gossip, trouble, or harassment." The destructive power of the karmic past, but also an offering to the divine. Because of its association with illness in general, Storm tends to be a bad sign if the question involves health. Storm may show that someone--most often the querent--is being drawn into a negative lifestyle because of karmic forces of the past.

PROGNOSIS:
11-Chicchan--"he is weeping," "the enemy." An enemy; sorcery or witchcraft; sickness; the sweeping of the curandera's broom (i.e., healing). "Beware of enemies" can be taken as the essence of any divinatory sequence ending with a Serpent day. Assumed that the querent is being bewitched. If Serpent appears in a question involving health, it should be taken as a warning and the querent should see a doctor immediately.

4-Chuen--"to spin," "to roll up," "winding," "asking." Monkey indicates a resounding "yes" answer, whether the question concerns love, money, or travel. The higher the number, the more positive the outlook. Even in questions of illness, Monkey has a somewhat positive connotation; the illness is simply a lack of harmony with one's own nature, and if not serious it can be alleviated by inner work.

8-Men--"to cry for," "to ask for."

What does this mean?


Last edited by teopiltzin on Thu May 13, 2010 4:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Help needed
 Post Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 4:01 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 4:29 am
Posts: 83
Location: Australia
Quote:

All those born under it, men and women, were augered very bad luck. They were to be blind, lame, maimed, pimply, leprous, claw-handed, mangy, bleary-eyed, lunatic, insane, with all the ills and sicknesses associated with the above calamities.


And from Time and the Highland Maya:

Quote:

Will have a troubled and harassed life full of punishment from the ancestors. Such a person would not have the strength necessary to help others and thus would not be trained as a diviner [or shaman].


I only read up to there... your life is what you make of it. it is not decided by luck, gods, spirits, demons, a dead civilization or me. You decide what you do, you may follow Mayan beliefs but i'm going to be frank with you... So far not one civilization has gotten EVERYTHING right society today would like to think that they're more advanced than ever but in my honest opinion i reckon a few of the ancients were better off than we are.

Back in the days of horticultural jungles over concrete ones man was closer to the earth and understood the balances better. Sure they thought that they all made up stories to understand how things like thunder but we still do it today, magick was the equivalent of science 500 years ago and we were better off because we mostly gave back what we took from nature.

Essentially you can't take anything you hear or read as gospel... your mind and how you choose to do things is the gate. Luck is a matter of perspective, i personally view everything as something that was supposed to happen based on choice within reasonable parameters.

Don't give up mate, the Mayans could have been mistaken it's like saying women and black people were lower than white males in the 30's through to the 50's... people are people. Race, religion and skin colour doesn't change that.


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 Post subject: Re: Help needed
 Post Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 5:33 am 
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Location: Paphos, Cyprus
teopiltzin wrote:
I sit here before you, humbled by the gods, the days, and Spirits. In my quest for shamanic power and knowledge, I have come to a crossroads in my left where I find that life is meaningless and to continue on the shamanic path would be worthless to me....

What does this mean?


It means you are suffering from a chronic bout of Guilt, Confusion, Misinformation and one hell of a victim complex!

And a great number of us have been there to one degree or another, you are merely going through your "Negrada" the dark night of the soul. You cannot go forward until you dump all the negative stuff you have accumulated over the years.

I agree with a lot that Hydrassas has said, we are in control of our own lives and we create our own worlds. You have this attitude that you are subservient to the spirits, you are not. They have their place in existence and so have you, you are empowering them with your attitude.

On my dark night many years ago now, the dark spirits came after me like a pack of Hyenas and tried to tear me apart spiritually and physically. At that time I too was weak and ignorant, but I stood my ground defiantly and survived. You will too.

The dark spirits are drawn to you because they can feed off your negative energies created by your fear and guilt. Now is not the time to learn abut the path it is the time to learn about yourself, cleanse yourself and above all learn to love yourself.

Remember, no person, book or spirit can teach you the 'Truth'. Your truth is yours alone, others can only teach you how to find your own truth.

May the light of the stars illuminate your darkest paths.

Eamon


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 Post Posted: Tue May 18, 2010 6:22 pm 
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Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
The weapon that the dark forces use with the most lethality against you...is you. I do not why, but the dark forces seem to derive the most satisfaction by getting you to defeat yourself. I believe it has something to do with freewill. The fierciest of all battles will take place within you, and it is your spirit that you are fighting for. DO NOT LET THEM WIN. Fight. DO NOT LET THEM HAVE YOUR SPIRIT.

From personnel experience, when you overcome your self doubts, and you realize that what you are doing is righteous, the dark forces will still try to pit you against you, but you now know your enemy and their methods. You are most fortunate to be a shaman, most people never know their enemy, nor their methods. If you are stricken with illness, it will be because you are proving to be far stronger than they believed. Illness, just like any other setback, is still designed to pit you against you. But all can be overcome, when one arms themselves with knowledge. We all want to change the world, we all want to heal the world, it will not require an army, it will not require a revolution, it will only require a small band of warriors. This has been prophesied. Would it not be far better to see this change, to see this healing before your very eyes. Would it not be far better to feel this change, to feel this healing, with your very soul. Yes, one must always fight, everyday, every hour, every minute.


Last edited by ojibway on Wed May 19, 2010 5:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 12:54 am 
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ojibway wrote:
I do not why, but the dark forces seem to derive the most satisfaction by getting you to defeat yourself. I believe it has something to do with freewill.


They feed off your negativity and your negative psyche gives them a suitable environment to exist in.

The forces of darkness as you would call them cannot exist in light, therefore they must overcome the light and defeat it. We give them that opportunity by acknowledging their power over us.

Eamon


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 Post Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 6:44 am 
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Eamon wrote:
ojibway wrote:
I do not why, but the dark forces seem to derive the most satisfaction by getting you to defeat yourself. I believe it has something to do with freewill.


They feed off your negativity and your negative psyche gives them a suitable environment to exist in.

The forces of darkness as you would call them cannot exist in light, therefore they must overcome the light and defeat it. We give them that opportunity by acknowledging their power over us.

Eamon


I have to agree with you there


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 Post Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 8:55 am 
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Too many mind.


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 Post Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 8:19 pm 
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With respect, you are too much caught up in the drama of your internal struggle. Stop consulting oracles, come back to your life, look outside and ground yourself.

Your relationship with Wolf seems very positive:

Quote:
My guardian spirit devoured me a few night ago (the wolf), and I don't what other power to summon or to appeal to in order to get me out of this problem. I am to weak to be a shaman. The universe is consuming me and I feel like my life is roughly coming to an end.


However if you ask a guardian spirit to devour you, don't complain if you feel like the unverse is consuming you - that's pretty much what a devourment or dismemberment is supposed to feel like!

Quote:
But I know deep down in my heart that what I have done is 1)To crush my enemies from within, 2)To accumulate shamanic knowledge for world revolution and 3)To learn to heal my fellow man


Given the extent of the fears and negativity that you express, you clearly have not "crushed your enemies from within"
You have indeed accumulated shamanic knowledge but you use that knowledge naiively to fuel your own mental dramas.

Quote:
Is it wrong to persuade people to what you think is a noble cause?


It is wrong to try to persuade people full stop! And considerably dangerous to try to use energy or magic to effect your own desires on others or the world.

Come back to yourself, come back to your life, do you have a job? Do you have friends? Loved ones? Can you find peace in the harmony of nature? Or the silence of your own soul? Stop panicking. Breathe.


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 Post Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 8:55 pm 
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Thanks for the responses. I just wanted to drop by and say that I am feeling much better now. I went to a Palero to see if he could heal me and he has. He did a rompimiento on me, which is:

Quote:
A Rompimiento is a specific type of spiritual cleaning paleros specialize in. The purpose of the rompimiento is literally to tear away and remove all of the bad luck and negative energy that has gathered around and settled onto a client over a period of time.

Sometimes this gets so advanced with certain people that you can almost see it wreathing them like a cloud of smog. With a successful rompimiento, it doesn’t matter if its been years or months since the client’s life began spiraling downwards – all of the darkness surrounding them is literally cast off like a suit of old clothes and or she can now step forth reborn, ready to face the challenges of a new day.


He did a ritual where he did some prayers and broke a votive candle around my head after he rubbed it all over my body. He invoked the 7 african powers and the saint elegua, the god of the crossroads and people's destiny. The breaking of the glass represents a break with the past, and so far so good. It feels like a dismemberment, but in a more positive light. It feels like i've broken my entire life up until that moment. He made me throw the fragments of the glass into a flowing river and i've had two follow up sessions so far. After this, I had the heart to shamanic journey to my astral temple and to clean up my astral altar. It use to be full of a lot of objects and candles invoking different powers, but I wiped it off and put a simple white candle, representing god, onto the altar. I visited the wolf after a long time of being absent of him. He really cheered me up with his positive telepathic messages.

Having said that, I still feel a little nebulous. I've stopped divining for a while to see how it feels to be a normal person again, but I still have the occasional bad trip. I started to go to church again. Although I am not a catholic anymore, a church is filled with the power of people's faith and intentions and I got charged off of the power of the place. All churches are man made power spots. I spoke to god a bit, asked him for his blessing.

Aside from that shamanic journey however I have tried to be just another normal person. I still have spontaneous shamanic intuitions but none that are too big. The cosmos is just so huge that its grandeur overwhelms me. That's the baggage that comes with being a spiritual person. Mind expanding moments bother me now. I'm trying to keep a low profile with spirits, warding them off for now. But as soon as I get a little better, i'll try to help those spirits with their needs. A lot of deceased people are looking to me now but I won't mess with that until i'm a little more prepared. My next venture will be psychopomp work, but i'll leave that for later. I know these local people need me. I'll try my best to recover until the time will come where I have to re-unleash myself in the spirit realm.

Thanks again for the responses.

Yours,
--Teo.


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