This is the first time that i'm asking someone to explain or interpret this for me. Everything changed for me after this incident, and i could never understand what it all meant, if it meant anything at all.

So, it was all happening during a summer. I went on vacation with my friends, and we didn't have that much fun as we were planning, but it was ok. I had an argument with one of them and i felt that something broke inside of me, I felt kind of fased out...like there was a veil between me and everybody else. I don't know how to explain my feelings at that time, becuse nothing like that ever happend to me.

This is were it gets creepy...so i went home and i still felt the same way..that feeling didn't go away. When i fall asleep I had a dream about a dog that apeared in my arms..and i remember that it was hurt, and i looked at his eyes and it was as if he was asking me to help him. The only way i could help him is if i killed him. So thats what i did. Then i woke up. That morning my whole house was covered with bees. My mother got scared and wanted to go inside, but i somehow i knew that they would leave...and they did. That night...i thought i was dead...i felt dead, but still breathing and thinking. That was the worst night of my life. My heart was pounding, and i remember seriously thinking about being dead. It felt like i was in a void, and nothing was the same..even thou everything was. I didn't sleep for tree years afther that, didn't eat normally...i felt broken and dead for 5 years. I'm ok now...i sleep, and eat normally..the feeling of being dead and distant has gone away..but i just can't explain what happend to me.
I've read about shamanic sickness, and dark night of the soul, and i figured you people know how this feels. I'm sorry about my english, and story being to long.
So, does anyone had any similar story, or an expanation
why this happen?d

One strong story you have here. With shamanic viewpoint, story could be explained like this:

During your argument a sensitive part of yourself get seriously hurt. It might been fragile, soft spot in you, you were never aware of. That part of you wanted desperately run away from situation, not to get hurt more. That may be one possibility, why you felt broke. (Or nothing got broke, but somethng get triggered.)

At the dream that part of you came back as a form of dog, begging to kill himself as you did. So, you killed a part of youself, which most probably was at it's end of time, not needed any more or whatever the reason. (Or the dog have nothing to do with you personality, and it is something entirely different matter) But death is not the final end but time for transformation.

Bees are also connected to element of death by myths and by their nature to transformation. All insects go through several phases from egg to adulthood. I guess bees are also the most valued insect on this planet. It was nice to have them there, just to mark it out, you had some real staff going on. It is not creepy, it is reality, when it happens.

Also, when something real come to across, it will not explain itself, but leave people a bit wondering, what it means. With that amount of suffering, your story sounds quite much like shamanic initiation with dying and everything, but main spirit is missing. Instead of animalspirit killing and claming a person, it was you killing a spirit in animal form.

That is most interesting and not usually heard of. You have experinced something very unique. To the question "Why?", if I were you, I would try some form of vision quest ot find answer. It is not needed always to do the hard way. For me it was enough just to find comfortable, wide, open place a bit higher at dawn and sitting there until I felt I was done with my question. Have the question in mind, then drop it and wait the aswer. No eating, drinking any other action, but wait eyes open.

That's what I suggest to do to find out more, and I'll be curious to hear, if something come up.

Thank you for replying.

Everything you said makes sense to me, even thou i can't be certain, but isn't that always the case?
This story actually has an ending, i just wasn't sure if i should write it or not. I didn't know anyting about shamanism before all of this happened, so i feel blessed to be able to learn.
There was a vision, and a dream that i had after i finally got some sleep.
Two elephants ( mother and baby ) were standing infront of a well, and i remember thouching the baby elephant. It was prrety dark, and we where, i guess in some city square. That was the dream, and reading about shamanism i remember thinking that this must have be my power animal.
The vision only lasted 20 seconds, but it felt pretty real to me.
Everything got really dark in my right eye and then an owl figure apeared, in a brown robe and holding a book in her left hand. I looked at her face, and thought that it was very interesting..and wanted to see it up close...as soon as i thought about it, it apeared really close to me...i got scared and the vision was gone. I know my mind was sleep deprived and everything, but it was all very real to me.
I tried to call her back, but i couldn't, so that was the only encounter with the owl. Soon after that i began reading about shamanism, and learned of guides and spirit helpers.

She loved you. And was to guard you. Her rending was for them. The bees are the soul of the daughter taken under.
They never rend or tear, their food is the purrest and they
sacrifice themselves for their people.
The dawn is near, now it's buzzing and up comes the dead crowd.
May elephant show you how to drink the river and grow strong.

Thank you for trying to help. I don't know what this is or how to deal with it. I'm seing a therapeut but i've come to the wall and can't seem to get passed it. Do you have a suggestion on what i should do?