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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 10:15 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:19 pm
Posts: 184
The fluttering feeling in my brain is happening more and more often. I'm getting little flashes more and more throughout the day.

The vision of the pastel sky with all the flashes going off here and there, I imagined at the time, and still do, as a relfection of what's going on in my poor brain.

On the bright side, my fucntioning is not impaired in anyway, and I feel like I'm getting plenty of fair warning, so Monday for sure, Monday is the day I get everything taken care of.

Another bit of good news is that I got a flash yesterday afternoon. I decided to go look at the sky to see if it had changed. It didn't but the clouds started to dispurse as soon as I looked at them. Gray clouds evaporated leaving a panorama of the lightest baby blue with billowing white clouds. It didn't last. The gray quickly swept over again.

All I can remember of my dreams last night is having my back up against a wall while an esthatician is forcing me to have a facial. Gotta look pretty for God, I guess.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 11:26 am 
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Something I forgot to mention. When looking out a window, a lot of people can see thousands of bright white specs of light zipping around and bumping off one another. I have seen them my whole life and I have always assumed everyone can see them.

Yesterday, while I was looking up at the clouds, watching them dispurse, I could, as always, see the bright white specs. Only this time, some of them slowed down, just a tad, they have a long tail that are all colours of the rainbow. They may not be specs at all, they just look like specs to us.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 10:27 am 
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I was adopted into a situation with two deranged people who physically, sexually, and emotionally, brutalized and terrorized me daily. They dressed me like a freak and I was subjected more of the same at school.

I left home at the age of 14 and have been a lost soul since. I did try to find stability in marriage, but I married unstable men, who appeared to be really sane and stable, but they actually weren't.

When my second husband died by suicide, I struggled with grief and rebuilding, unfortuanately I had a run in with someone online. The wrong someone who made my life a living hell. This person had an incredible talent for networking. That's a story all by itself. It's a long tale of woe condensed into a few paragraphs.

My dream:

A bunch of us surround the woman who adopted me. I'm thinking we're going to give her a hell of a scare, than let her go. I just want to teach her a lesson, I don't want to kill her.

Someone wraps a cord tightly around her neck. I can't remember if it's was I who did it, or someone else. Then we cover her with a blanket.

Then someone says, let's throw her body in the well. At this point I object. I said "I thought we weren't going to kill her, just scare her a little." I threw off the cover and she was gone. I demanded to know where she was. I was told she was in the well. I demanded to know where the well was, but no one would tell me.

I set off to look for the well. Just as I'm about to go through a door, I vaguely recall what happened last time I went through a door (in a dream) and wondered what would happen this time. I walked through and I simply found myself in a hallway of panelled walls. I knew they were fake walls that could be slid open, like sliding doors and that's what I did.

I went into a room where I knew the well to be. There were people in there. I asked: "Is she dead?" They said "Yes." I figured there was no point in looking into the well.

I was given something to drink - it was like soup. I drank. Then I looked at my right shoulder. There was flesh missing from my arm. It appears that I was tricked into consuming my own flesh.

Of all the events in the dream, I'm the most curious about who all these people were, leading me astray. On the other hand astray from what? I was never very focussed on anything in life. I just wanted to get through it as painlessly as possible, and when I was young, I was very easily led - although I drew the line any anything immoral or criminal, but I was always quite the pawn.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 3:10 pm 
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There are many things I left out. The well was in the closet for starters. I awoke unbelieveably groggy.

I pulled open the curtains to let the sun in. There lay a dead red tail hawk, who had apparently made a hard collision with my window. He had to be flying very low at high velocity, but why? It's a mystery and a rather non benevolent coincidence with respect to one poster's situation with a red tailed hawk. Maybe mother is trying to send me a message? Maybe someone's just messing with my head?

Ugh. I feel like I've been hunted down like a wild animal and shot, like a wild animal over and over and over and over again. Am I still thusly stalked only this time for the material evidence of my hide?

My dream is telling me that I am surrounded by people who have already deceived me. But I'm still here. I'm still here at the pleasure of God and/or my stalker, if I have one, who seems to be saying that he can have me any time he wants. Maybe so. I keep telling myself, in that case, that you only die once.

And then, I can't help but think that no good deed goes unpunished. I tried to help someone use those metaphors for his healing, the red-tailed hawk as well as a certain kind of snake.

Interesting that my adopted mother's neck, in the dream, was bound with a cord.

Something about a pound of flesh is indicated by the missing flesh from my arm, but the really creepy part is that I drink my own flesh without even being aware of it, until, for some reason I look at my arm, with bite marks literally taken out of it.

Not a pound though, but who's counting. Judging by the quantity of soup I got, it would have more or less constituted a bite size. So.. wtf...

I verly likely had that dream as the hawk lay struggling for it's life. I buried it, sang a hymn to it. One way, or another, yet another magnificent bird is sacrificed on my property while I'm minding my own business.

I can be very certain of how it happened the first time, and the message that went with it.

I can only observe the terrible "co-incidences" the second time, and sadly wonder today.

Have I tasted of the dangers of Shaminism? I guess it's time for a clearing and disentanglement. However gory the story about the "pound of flesh" I guess there's something to be taken from that. It's pretty sinister, and it happened without my awareness, as I was led astray by this evil company that surrounded me.

And very likely despite my all my attempts to remove myself from these influences, I cannot.

For surivival, I must join. I thought for survival I must withdraw, but honestly it seems I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I have been invited to sit on and run for town council. Maybe no one wants the job, but that to me seems like more than a hint, a hint that promises maybe my life will be easier if I do this.

I guess if I'm every going to really disappear, I'll have to either completely change my identity, or never post online again and move to the country, and for good measure, completely change my identity, even if I have to pay the mob to do it, then for sure I can really be alone.

Regardless of the laws that are supposed to protect me, laws that are based on a constitution which draws much if it's inspiration and back bone from the magna carta, really don't seem to be in effect. However I get just enough police protection to not complain, it's just unfortunate that I need it, being a single woman who wishes to enjoy her right to privacy and autonomy. Maybe, if I'm smart, and can pay for that right quickly.

Assuming the red tailed hawk isn't a message from a stalker telling me I'm next. And assuming these orange flashes arn't precursors of an anurism or stroke. Assuming I'm not bound for the morgue, ala the forced facial while I leaned against a wall? Or perhaps I was on a slab. Sniff.

I guess, regardless of whether or not I am being stalked by humans, I am definitely being stalked by death. No two ways about it. I feel insane planning for a life, that's how convinced I am that death has the upper hand.

So, I end on the note of disentanglement and clearing. And hoping for the best.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 5:14 pm 
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Dream:

The house is familiar. I've been there many times before in dreams, I think it represents the house I lived in at age 12.

I have a desktop. There's a picutre of a man wearing a very skimpy g-string, packing a lot of heat, if you know what I mean. And he's arms are tied down. I awake in the "throes". Hrrmph... It's not exactly non-consentual sex, as I am viewing this on my desktop. I guess this dream is telling me that I, on a deep level unbeknownst to me, fancy cheap porn. But I don't. My body has an automatic reaction to it. My humanity adds aesthetics to the act that seem to be completely lacking in this dream.

I think I understand what it means for me.

I am beginning to believe that there's an actual struture to the astral world. I think that structure might be ubiquitous, the forces as well, but what we do about those aspects of the astral world determines how orderly it will be.

I think I should re-read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, as well as acquaint myself with the Egyptian Book of the Dead.

I believe our own culture is going to influence our own astral world a great deal, but I think we can look to anient history for evidence of how the astral world is structured, and how the respective cultures of the Tibetans and the Egypitans, filled in that scaffolding.

With respect the the door I went through in the last dream I recorded here, I neglected to mention that on the other side of that door was nothing but a hazy red fog. I knew that, and I also vaguley remembered the last dream in which I walked through a door, and the unpleasant consequences that immediately materialized.

I think I'm learning to be careful around mirrors and doors in dream world. I'm becomming more and more convinced that the better you get at navigating the astral world before you go, the better you'll be at it when you get there.

Or I guess we can just go into unconsiousness. I don't like this idea because rather than restful sleep, it might be somewhat chaotic and for some reason I want to be prepared.

They say that the better you face life, the better you'll face death.

A better life always means better choices and better choices always mean more awareness. If it's true as above so below, then maybe that's what a better death is all about as well. More awareness, better choices.

Still, I realize that when I've killed my mother and dumped her body into a well, while completely unaware of having done this, that I have a long way to go on the awareness train.

As for today's psychonaught adventures, yes, I have something to report.

For the last several days I have enjoyed no flashing, or just the slightest, almost imperceptible flashes here and there.

I had some very mild flashes this morning.

While I was working out today, I experienced the slowing down of time and heard the music distort accordingly, for at least a second. Things went back to normal, but I was also willing them to go back to normal, so the Heizenburg uncertainty principle is at play here. This is the second time this week.

The first time is when the Zippy light things slowed down, showing me that they are string like and multi coloured. I have another story about these little strings, but another time maybe.

Is it really true what they say, that we're moving to a new timeline? Is something causing time and space to distort?


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 3:31 pm 
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In all my online research regarding shamanism, I have found very little about sex.

There are a few links about sexual shamanism, but the articles didn't really grapple with the issue of sex in a way that addressed my particular struggles with this aspect of human existence. After reading just a few paragraphs on the subject of sexual shamanism online, I clicked out really fast. Maybe it's my bad attention span, but it didn't seem to me like they really knew what they were talking about. All this was typical shallow new age jargon juggling, baffle 'em with BS type crap.

The Buddhist monks may know something about celebacy and the deeper meaning of sexuality, but they aren't talking.

Then there's tantric sex as practiced in India, but I don't really get it. I think it's about two people reaching some plane of ecstacy at will and staying as long as they want. I have no idea what that is. They don't really say. Is it perpetual orgasm? Is it nervana? Is it more BS?

There was a dream I had in January that set this whole thing in motion. I mentioned it earlier, although I discussed very few particulars of the actual dream.

This dream had a supernatural effect on me, as it fired up my chakras and it took a few weeks for me to get that under control.

If tantra is anything like that, I'm not interested. My experience of this incredibly heightened state of senses and emotions did absolutely nothing to answer my questions about what sex is for, other than procreation and recreation.

Without any real understanding, I cling to the vague hunch that it's real power lies in transformation. From evil to good, and from good to evil.

It's the crucible of good and evil.

The way it was represented in the aforementioned dream was base and sordid. It didn't inspire acts of creativity, only a frenetic desire for release.

I don't believe that this is my essence. I do believe it's the residue of what has been projected my way, my entire life, by nasty men.

Nevertheless, it falls on me to transform this energy, because it blocks my access to what this aspect of our nature could really be.

I know that our more beautiful acts are also inspired by the sexual/erotic impulse, but I need to understand it better.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 11:46 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:19 pm
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Hey!!! A brand new experience to report!! I woke up early this morning, with my bladder forcing me to get up and get relief. My bladder never used to do this, now, all of a sudden, starting about two or three weeks ago, I have to get up two or three times a night. I do not like.

Anyway, I went back to bed after that and fell asleep. I'm really not sure if this qualifies as a dream or an astral experience, but this did happen while I was sleeping, and while I was sleeping, I was noticing that this was happening and wondering, "what the heck is this?" Being asleep, I was way too tired to fight it, so I just let it happen until I finally drifted into unconsciousness.

And here it is:

It looked like a black and white kalidoscope/vortice spinning around, plus I heard mechanical and hissing sounds to go with it.

Sometimes I really think there are implants in me, but that's just crazy talk.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sun May 12, 2013 4:18 pm 
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Lucid nightmare:

In the nightmare, I wake up, in my bed, in my home. I feel that old, familiar, horrible agony, in my spine, up near the base of my skull. This time, I decide I'm going to do something about it. I reach back, put my hand inside my body, where the pain is, and I pull out a long, thin, black snake. No sooner do I pull that one out, than I feel another stirring there. "Ah ha! There's another one!" I say to myself. I reach in to do the same thing, but this time, there's a fight. Such an agony ensues that I'm reduced to whimpering and calling outloud over and over again, "No! No! No.." I'm paralyzed, but I can at least keep vocalizing as I try to bring myself out, but I can't. Luckily, my cat does. The snake I pulled out was dead.

The electronic pulses are becoming unbearable. Sometimes they're so bad it sounds as if a car is running, but there's no car running.

I'm going to try ear plugs tonight.

If anyone has any info about this astral snake, I would be very grateful.


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