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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 1:39 pm 
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Hmm, well I wouldn't be surprised if death has something to do with this double you've created, or the dreams themselves. Is there, perhaps, a long needed change you've been trying to avoid? If so, perhaps you created this double subconsciously to deal with the subject that you cannot handle consciously. And now your dreams are seeping the results of dealing with it into your Physical Body. Doing it that way would allow you to gradually heal, yet still only have to feel the pain indirectly.

As for the shaman you keep dreaming of, I would suggest that this is a spirit guide who has taken charge of the healing process that you set the double to take care of for you. As you may or may not know, death is a very powerful way to implement change in someone, so perhaps you are exactly right, what you are feeling is death, the death of the long overdue negativity which you have been so afraid to let go of. And soon your dreams will change, bringing a peaceful, innocent, compassionate energy to take its place.

If this is such the case, then I am happy for you, as I have very recently dealt with such a problem myself. It is not easy, and you may not like it at the moment, but soon it will all make sense. And you will be grateful for the experience.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 3:29 pm 
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There is a lot of truth in what you say. But no one can take over my healing without my consent. I have not given it, so this cannot proceed any further.

If I am to die, God will take me as he finds me, imperfections and all. I know that being drained of energy is bad for me, and right now I am being infused by what is good for me, and its coming from the sun. The loving sun.

I fill my heart with that.

I want to offer thanks for any assistance received and any going forward should be agreed upon, in the three D sense in advance.

I will study all the truths in your post, and equip myself to process them. I have long known that I am capable or capable of developing the capability. You know how capable you're becomming when you can exercise your free will, and maintain that ability in the mist of confusion.

There are always cross over points, as you have pointed out, and I see few of mine already.

They are in the above posts.

Thanks again, my friend.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:50 am 
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I do not believe that the death I mentioned is anything to take literally. I simply mean death in the form of change. The death of an old, unwanted energy to be replaced by fresh and new energy.

I am glad to have helped you to find clarity in a time of confusion. And I hope that your journey ends with the results you desire most. Good luck friend.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 11:13 am 
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Hi Ezekkiel,

I know you meant death in a transformational sense, rather than literally. But this felt very much like the real thing was breathing down my neck.

Also these very intense dreams started around the middle of January, after 10 years or so of a very unremarkable dreamlife.

They featured the Shaman and I awoke feeling very much in love with him.

After numerous attempts to contact him via email, he has refused to answer just one, yet the dreams grow ever more intense, and the feelings of deep love have become feelings of even deeper sadness.

It's a feeling of sadness that is so great, it feels like the end of everything.

It makes sense that these dreams are my creation, but I can't be entirely sure of that right now.

I feel as though whoever it is that's hagning around me, whether it's the Shaman, or my husband, or someone else, needs something from me in order to feel better.

The other thing is that I could feel a presence in my waking life, hitting me right in the heart chakra, almost all the time, as well as the root chakra at the same time.

When I stated catagorically that I do not give my permission, and when I reaffirmed that several times yesterday, the feelings, which I have had for weeks now, gradually dissipated and today I feel normal and strong and ready to tackle my own life and my own goals again.

Prior to that, it was getting to the point where I wanted to die because the feelings were just too intense.

I came here because I needed somewhere to go. The Shaman refused to talk to me via regular email, I'm sure the town social worker would think I was barking mad if I went to her with it ,so I came here.

I'm glad I did, and I hope I can gain more insights into this, in a way that doesn't harm me, as time goes on.

Your insights have helped enormously.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:23 pm 
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Last night's dream:

Much more light hearted. In the dream I am a wealthy, bitchy woman. I hire young, good looking gardeners and constantly berate them for "sucking" at what they do, all the while knowing that it is me who is making their job impossible.

I must be old and ugly in the dream. I don't see myself, but why else would I notice that they are young and good looking, and why else would I berate them all the time?

Anyway, I can't afford their services in real life, and I guess I better clean up my own garden.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:02 pm 
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It's good I'm able to stand back from this experience, but it took a great deal of effort, and some help from mother earth.

I've been reading up on a lot of things I was never that interested in before, like shamanism, the astral world, and the occult.

Even just looking at those words written in front of me evokes that place and those feelings.

My heart has to become strong enough to handle them, or they will destroy me, so I have to be able to cut myself loose as needed to process, and return, if need be.

With respect to the Shaman part of my reading, what stands out the most for me now is the issue of self control. I've seen it written that a Shaman needs lots of self control in the astral world.

My astral boyfriend, whomever he may be, LACKS this self control, so i have to be wary, astrally, of him.

If I'm going to go back there, I have to protect myself.

I'm wondering if self control is going to help, or if I'll have to stay way altogether because of him - because he has so far demonstrated that he is more powerful than I am in the astral world.

Which now brings me to reading up on the Occult. I have avoided it like the plague my whole life. It has not even interested me academically.

I figured I had it pretty much sussed as to where its power comes from and I was fairly certain that I didn't want that kind of power.

I suspect my astral boyfriend is all about that kind of power and sex magick is his device of choice.

I don't think all that sexuality is my own. I have to admit to some repressed feelings, but believe me, I know I found sublimation for the lion's share of my amorous instincts. They haven't given me even the slightest bit of trouble in 5 years. And now all of a sudden I am awash in overpowering, almost anniahlating sexuality coupled with a soddon sadness so dark, you almost wish for anniahlation, but if you're me, you're not going to give in without a fight.

So, with that bit of distance I mentioned earlier, I see this is a potential source of power that I have access to - if it doesn't kill me first.

But I don't know what I'd use it for. I'd have to think of what I want most and see if this power is a way to get there.

But first, I need a stronger heart, some stronger nerves and a stronger will and I figure the best way is to process this a bit at a time.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:49 pm 
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Found this awesome link that explores the higher spiritual aspect of sex magic. I think this will be a big relief!


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 1:05 pm 
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I think I know who the invisible guy is who is using me in wrong ways in the astral world.

It's a guy who decided he was my boyfriend in real life, but he was really my stalker, who manged to get into my bed on many occasions because I was in a very vulnerable position in life, and afraid of him.

I extricated myself from the situation by moving far away, but he was in my "aura" for years afterward. I suffered Stockholm symdrome I guess.\

Anyway, he died in October 2012. I read about it online. At first I was shocked, but then, I was happy. He brought me so much distress and cost me so much, including money, just to be rid of him, that I felt I had lost a great enemy.

But I think he has tracked me down in the astral world, and he continues to have his way with me there. Only this time I have to be unconscious in one way or another, thus the chanting, or coming to me between awake and asleep states and doing his business whilst I am in absentia.

Another clue is the pressure he deliberately puts on my heart and root chakras, even during waking hours.

All the whispering probably isn't the Shaman, but him. He's making sure I can't get a proper rest so I will be vulnerable to more attacks.

I have read that people who have crossed over can strengthen their astral bodies this way.

I don't think I'm rid of him yet, although I've found a way to get some distance.

I think now that I'm pretty sure it's him though, I can deal with it more effectively now.

I still don't know how the Shaman fits in. Maybe he took the Shaman's form initially, in the astral world, if that's possible. So that I would think that this is a good thing, maybe.

Edited to add, the pressure in my root and heart chakras started up again as soon as I started typing this.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 4:17 pm 
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One thing I want to pay attention to is the fact that my dreams, impactful though they may be, are fantasies generated by primal forces.

In my case the force is sexual energy, and I believe what I have tapped here is the collective, repressed, roiling, sexual energy. Non verbally it churnes in the pre-verbal parts of our bodies, and as it meanders its way through the labyrinth of human experience, it acuqires names, faces, personalities, outlets that take us to the summit of achievement and the depths of depravity.

The energy has not exactly been animated in my dreams, as it's invisible, but has made itself known in no uncertain terms, both here and there.

Obviously its the male energy that I need to integrate, but there's more than my fair share of "affect" with which to contend. I feel it is being forced on me, and I know I have the right of cosmic refusal, until I can figure out how to transform it so that it's harmless to me and others.

As I struggle with awareness and chronicle it, the space to contain it is created.

The goal is to get past my dreams and the fantasies generated by these energies.

I think in order to do that I must transform the energy itself.

Did I already say that? I'm rambling.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 3:57 pm 
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So if we change our fantasies, we change our fate. But we can't change our fantasies until we change how we deal with the energies.

My fantasies aren't materializing the way I'd like, with respect to how they've been playing out in my dreams.

I can't change the energy that comes to me, only how I deal with it.

I think people have been saying that all along about circumstances, but there it is, as above so below.

More later, is my intention.

As for the energy that is coming to me, I'm going to put a cap on it today.

I have more than enough to process.

If anyone wants to get involved in helping to process the accumulted toxic effects of repressed, stagnated sexual energies, let me know.

But you should know you will feel the effects and will need a way to manage and mitigate them.

You will have yours and hopefully I can benefit, and you can benefit from mine.

It's a request. We're never helpless. We're never alone, right?


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:15 pm 
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So yeah, if we get together collectively, there's probably a lot more we can process together than seperately, but I suppose that's the ideal. One is better than none. Lots of people working in isolation on their lot is good too, but people are better together.

I think some of us are targets of excess sexual energy. I have been one my whole life. In it's worst extreme it has expressed itself as physical, sexual, emotional, psychic, psychological, social, abuse, torture, torment, and humiliation.

I have suffed from porous psychic boundries and have been an unwilling sponge and magnet abosrbing this garbage my whole life.

People still try to put me in the victim role in my non virtual life. I am on to them, and ahead of them - I have gone from being completely unable to function, to superior functioning, which I'll need if I'm going to turn around the kinds of perception that people have that makes them feel they can take advantage.

I can stop them from taking advantage now, but the sooner they stop even trying, the better for me.

So I need my energy to do these practical things.

I am also blessed now, with being able to feel the energy, the negative, hostile energy at greater distances, and have forwarning dreams that give me days to prepare.

I took the advice of the dream of the married guy in the silver truck and it has paid. Someone tried to ambush me and I turned the tables without breaking a sweat. She was reduced to a stuttering, shaking mess, and all I did was side step her attack and surprise her with an observation so astute, her confidence was completely shattered.

And yet I wasn't in the slightest bit abusive, or mean. More like very motherly.

People try to push me around here in town, so I've made a few enemies by refusing to oblige.

Sometimes the dogs sleep peacefully, but this week the sight of me seemed to urk them. So I've danced delicately around that.

These are tiny, but life saving, fate saving acts of transformation and I wager that the more I do these little acts, every day, the more awareness and power I will gain to transform this energy into something beneficial, long before it reaches me. That is, with enough awareness acquired from the discipline of action, and that wouldn't be now. That's for sure.

I forgot to mention I had my first experience today, controlling the energy.

I got a hit so big, that I ended up with esophogeal spasms followed immediately by a headache that threatened to be so massive it felt like it would blow my head apart. I was genuinely concerned about having a heart attack, and a stroke and/or a brain annurism all at the same time.

I stopped what I was doing, I stood up, but my hands on my chest, stared out the window, and repeated "dial it down". My heart rate dropped way down, my chest pains and headache immediately dissolved away.

My cats are very agitated tonight. One cat who never wants to leave my side, doesn't want to be in the same room with me tonight.

I can feel an intense rage. Better be on my guard tonight.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:56 pm 
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I guess I'm starting to Shamanize. At least with myself. The energy forced me to work with it today, or risk being destroyed by it. I'm not sure I'm really in the clear because I feel a vague headache and mild pressure on my heart chakra.

Many of the symptoms I have are of a Kundalini awakening and many of them pertain more to Shamanic non ordinary states of consciousness.

Something secret and terrifying that is in need of healing, has been brought to the surface.

I have yet to accept it as completely my own, as I suspect that it's some kind of visitation. Hopefully that will get sorted out soon.

Whatever it is though, and with whomever it may originate it was once something extremely good, but turned into something extremely bad.

More things to keep in mind as I grapple with this experience.

I may relay the dream that got this all started, in mid January, roughly one week before my 51st birthday. I have the date somewhere. I seriously doubt it's a significant one. This all seemed to have come like a bolt out of the blue, shifting my assembledge point.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:21 pm 
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Pretty tame dream last night.

Dreamt an old friend in real life was an ex room mate. In the dream she helped herself to my clothes. I didn't mind too much and she looked good in them. I took some pleasure in admiring her, until she started to get a swelled head about it.

Then a man appeared, and she asked him: "Who looks better in these clothes, me or her?" The man answered that she did. Miffed, I instructed her to take my clothes off, and not to help herself to any more of my things.

Next I'm sitting on a roof. There's a young guy there, I know him in real life. He lives here in this town, but he really doesn't seem to belong, and it isn't because he's foreign. Anyway, we have a nice friendly chat, then I wake up.

These last few dreams have been completely lacking in that deep, dark aspect, which is good.

Still have a mild headache.

I'm wondering if the crises is passing. It feels like it is.


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:48 pm 
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No. No it isn't.

After my husband's suicide, the aftermath was complete chaos and devestation on every aspect of life. I probably should have died, but I fought hard to come back from this.

After 8 years, this 9th year has probably been the best year of my life. I have known deep peace, contentment, containment, and confident direction.

I attained more sanity, balance, levity, perspective, than I ever had. Now I'm suddenly thrown back into a sense of vulnerablity and echos of trauma.

One minute I'm fine, the next I feel all strength dissolving. I feel entitled to some peace and direction, damn it.

Is this mine, or is this being visited upon me?

I feel like my only defense is to immerse myself in the regular world. That will be difficult as I was a very happy hermit. But I now feel forced to give it up, or die.

I guess dying isn't such a horrible option, but who would look after my cats?


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 Post subject: Re: Dreams!!!
 Post Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 1:23 pm 
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On the other hand, there is the educational aspect to this. I've learned a lot about a lot of things I didn't take seriously before.

I think I have been visiting a few levels within the astral realm.

I think the invisible ravisher is a soul fragment from within that realm. I attract that type, due to some core belief on my part about the nature of passion and desire. Whatever/whomever the entity is, is way less important than what needs to be healed inside me in that respect.

The initial dream, the one I had in mid January set all these energies in motion. So I guess that as well as I was feeling, as happy, confident, and centered, it was just an oasis, a vacation, to build the strength to tackle the most difficult and the most dangerous aspect of my healing, which is clearly upon me now.

I have the feeling that the distress I feel isn't just my distress. I can't help but feel that the earth and the sun are also experiencing some grief and are struggling with survival issues. And if that's the case, it would be impossible for me to feel completely well and unaffected.

So things could get worse for me rather than better. The only difference is that now, I don't fear it like I used to.

I'm glad to find a place here to record these thoughts and experiences. I do have pockets during every day where I feel normal. That will help, and it's better than nothing.


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