I'm pretty well versed in dark influences.
I studied and researched demons and dark powers when I was less than 13. Never gave me any trouble, but when I started to get older I began feeling more and more miserable and weak. I was also hardcore christian at the time, and in a way that made me feel alienated.
Now, mind you, I was a pretty average youth and never did anything illegal. But it was my complete loss of value that was the major concern. Back then I had little idea of the value of life and death. I had the mind of "life sucks, then you die, because there's nothing you can do about either."
It wasn't until I first picked up a book of shamanism that I actually began to do any real thinking of my own spirituality. I was 14 at the time I had read that the teen years made your psychic power stronger, so I read the book with excitement of starting advanced. I read the first couple chapters and thought it was a terrific read. So when I got to the chapters on journeys I decided it was a great place to start. so I just jumped in no problem. My first trip was fairly lucid but it wasn't much other than a little vacation. The book I had didn't really mention spirit guides, so it was a new experience when one began to talk to me.
I did know of spirit guides at the time. I just thought it was a talking animal or something. It was my surprise that after years of practicing the study of demons that I was greeted by an angel. She said nothing and left for me to continue my journey alone. When went back to reality I felt different, but I couldn't place why. I didn't journey for a long time and it wasn't until much later that I tried again. I remember it was a very upsetting weak for me and I decided that it would help me to relax. It was during this trip that I encountered the angel again.
I was in awe at first but being an arrogant n00b I was going to make demands for power, until she spoke first.
Total shock. I had no idea what that meant. Confused and frustrated I said, "I'm not a demon!"
She gave me a quizzical look and floated around me. "Really? You look like a demon to me."
"I'm not!" I shouted.
She hovered in front of me with her wings spread wide. "Oh really? I think I would know," she said with a smile.
It was for the next 3 years that we worked together. Any time I felt angry she was there watching, calming me. I joined a marshal art and moved to head of my class with her cheering me the whole way. I remember that it was near the end of the school year when I was 17 that I became very upset and nervous over something simple like my grades. I had always known there was a dark part of me, and I embraced it. But at this point, I was so outraged and panicked, that when my angel appeared again I acted violent toward her. She smiled and said, "I can help you." In the middle of a classroom I entered myself. but I wasn't as I was usually. I saw myself standing next to the angel. I was a snake being held by a web of darkness writhing and screaming in anger.
She pulled out a gun, and shot me. Suddenly I was in my astral body standing next to her. I watched as the snake burst into light and the dark web disappear. I woke up in reality feeling relieved and free. Like everything was going to be alright. And it was.... Still is really.
Later on as I continued shamanism I came across the idea of shadows. Beings of ourselves that we've repressed. I started another journey. I went deep this time. Very deep. Until I entered a room with a chair and a checkered table. I sat at the chain and my shadow appeared to me. It was a mess. From the undulating waves of darkness a pale copy of myself stood in front of the table. I felt I as angry at it, I was going to fight it before the angel appeared and told me the only way I was ever going to get better was if I accepted this shadow as myself. Still angry I extended my hand. Showing the same hostility the shadow shook it.
Suddenly I felt good. Like a peace had finally come over both my mind and soul. Shadows, darkness, anger, despair, I felt no fear of them. I didn't even fear fear itself!
To conclude this rather long biography: Darkness isn't something to be repelled or cursed. Fearing its influence will always hold you back, and accepting it will make you stronger.
Feel free to give me any questions or comments. on any of this or unrelated stuff.