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What Things Turn Into
Sometimes things come full circle
In ways, we're all driven. Driven in ways that surpass motivation. Driven by forces we sometimes don't slow down to question. Driven beyond the point of being able to just stop and shy away.
A few years ago it was my perceived, my self-assessed string of disheartening relationship failures that drove me. Drove me to the outer edges of sanity, through the valley of desperation, around the cricks and bends of resent and remorse and into a new space. Acceptance.
The acceptance part didn't come after those cricks and bends though. Only after a period of reconciliation and battle with my (broken) will did the acceptance part set in. Although the drive hasn't stopped. It just takes new forms. You're looking at one of them now.
That could be it, by itself, but there's more. The drive to fix my relationship to relationships took form. Combining specific releasing (Alignment Science) together, with visualization revealed many things. As with so many things new, it was foggy in the beginning.
The mind first showed me what I was already doing. What I already knew. What didn't work. What didn't align. What caused pain.
Then there was choice. Could I see another way? Could the mind go to a point without reference? Somewhere I longed to go? Setting my sights I traveled. On the way there I learned. I discovered what set me back - what prevented me from being.
As I released, processed and pursued the distance closed. Eventually I was there. Arriving at a destination within. Believing it could be real. Discovering there was always a place to go. Willing to take the next step.
There were many steps to take. Each one unpredictable. Some joyous, some terrifying, some frustrating, all steps.
Then there was the drive to share. To share a new discovery. To share with others and learn even more about the process of using a drive, a powerful drive to learn about one's self. To enable one to know what keeps them where they are when they only want to be somewhere else.
So became another journey.
One of relentless work. Trials, failures and successes. The question became where was the drive in those who wished to learn? Each and every person has the same drive. Some are driven to stay, others, few others are driven to move away from their current ways.
Through the years, techniques were refined. I thought of myself as brilliant for creating such a program of introspection and healing. That image too, was shattered. It really served no purpose to begin with.
The drive to be critical took over. The drive to review. To understand. To study and improve. One can only swim against the tide and battle the undertow so long. Surrendering again, a new beginning was born.
Near death has always been so fascinating. To me. For reasons that I cannot quite explain. The concept of a life review has been somehow, deeply engrained into my brain. The idea that as we leave this body ... this holding cell we take though life, that time suddenly distorts and we live our whole lives over, in a matter of moments, amazes me.
To have the opportunity to become the observer, to watch, to see, to feel, hear, taste and know all of a lifetime. As an observer. It almost floors me. Is it common to even think, in terms of this lifetime - or a lifetime. Do we give a single lifetime the dignity it deserves? Do we open our eyes when it's time to close?
The concept of the lifetime review makes me wonder. It's ok to google it if you like. That drive, it kept pushing. Telling me things. Edging me along. Eventually making me realize, a life review can happen before it's time to go.
That thing with relationships I discovered. It kind of took me there. Showed me things. Took me way back. Encouraged me to process and let go of what was there that didn't need to be.
With a bit of refining. A bit more structure. A bit more care ... It became the life review. Soulstic Detox, if we dare. By learning myself all over again, I was able to understand. I saw though my patterns and decided to let go some more. To surrender to being me. The best I can.
Again, struck by the drive to share with others, here I am. Just for a lifetime, doing the best I can.
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