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(5 votes)"I'll Give You The Emotional Roller Coaster Ride You Seek"
“You may think you’re slick writing this letter don’t you? I’ll bet you even think you’re clever. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not. remember that guy who struggled so much in his early 20s? I know you remember. You’re recalling the time you walked up the stairs in the crappy little condo you lived in, practically paralyzed with anger, frustration and unfulfilled desire. Guess what? I was there for that. I helped get you into that state you were in. Kind of funny when you think of it now...
Even though you may not wish to acknowledge me for all that I am, there are parts of me you cannot deny. I’ll give you credit where credit is due though. It’s not like you haven’t tried or anything like that. I especially like how you’ve attempted to silence me by giving me a more villainesque way of talking. Did it make me go away? Ha! Thought so. You may have succeeded in silencing me in those moments, but I’m sneaky. I’m always close. I like crows, darkness and shadows - which scares you for reasons you don’t even fully understand.
Don’t worry, I’m not you. When you think of the really morbid stuff you sometimes think of, cringing the whole while -- that’s me. I like how you act so appalled at the more gruesome thoughts I put into your head. You get so scared of them its humorous to me. Hey, that stuff is life. It’s not like none of those things have ever happened before. In case you haven’t noticed, humans are capable of some pretty sick and twisted stuff in real life. Yet you cringe at the mere thought. What did I ever do to you that you resist me so much? Haven’t you figured it out yet...I’m always close to you. You feed me by being averse to me. Remember that.
I’ll give you another thing too. You’ve grown tremendously. My job is harder now. But you still have weaknesses...and just as you think you’re all grown up Mr. Guru (HA HA)...I’ll slide right in real quiet and mess your head right up. I’ll have you feeding me in no time if you slip for even a second.
In case you haven’t noticed already, which I know you have...I’ll spell your weaknesses out for you. Oh...and I dare you to try and do something about them. The paranoia - you know what I’m thinking of...that’s me. All it takes is a little on your part. Once the door is open I can stay as long as I want and you don’t even realize who’s driving. You’re quite the stubborn know it all too, aren’t you? Well, in those moments when you are, guess what. I’m right there waiting to step in and do what I do best. Hate me all you will, but my demeanor is consistent. Call on me and that terrible heaviness you feel, It’s me.
That’s what you don’t fully understand yet. I’m powerless when you’re not giving me life...but I’m always waiting for the right opportunity -- then you invite me in! I love it! At those points I block your emotions, make you heavy and tell you endless tales of gloom and doom. The clouds are always grey and the air is always bone chilling when I’m running the show. The more you listen the more power I have. I liked you so much better when I was able to stay for months at a time....
You know all those times you would be happy for about two or three days? It was unreal! Really though, it was unreal. High highs based on feelings you had that were laced with unfulfilled desires...Oh what foolish lovers do. Ha! Those were the days...For me to shine and you to suffer. We can do that all over again if you want. I know, I know...The thought makes you cringe...Don’t worry though, you’re still a fool when it comes to love. The only trouble is you’ve learned to tune into some of the others...The happier ones, but I still have you....
In case you’re still wondering...I’m one of the voices in your head. No, you’re not crazy, everyone has those voices -- they’re your thoughts. I can make you think you’re me, but you’re not - and I’m not you. I am, as I am though. And still, I wait, lurk, whisper and remain opportunistic. When you aren’t careful, I’ll be running the show in the mere blink of an eye. Watch me.”
About the author:
Paul is available for speaking engagements, Workshops and sharing Alignment Science. http://www.alignmentscience.com
