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"I'll Give You The Emotional Roller Coaster Ride You Seek"
ďYou may think youíre slick writing this letter donít you? Iíll bet you even think youíre clever. Sorry to burst your bubble, but youíre not. remember that guy who struggled so much in his early 20s? I know you remember. Youíre recalling the time you walked up the stairs in the crappy little condo you lived in, practically paralyzed with anger, frustration and unfulfilled desire. Guess what? I was there for that. I helped get you into that state you were in. Kind of funny when you think of it now...
Even though you may not wish to acknowledge me for all that I am, there are parts of me you cannot deny. Iíll give you credit where credit is due though. Itís not like you havenít tried or anything like that. I especially like how youíve attempted to silence me by giving me a more villainesque way of talking. Did it make me go away? Ha! Thought so. You may have succeeded in silencing me in those moments, but Iím sneaky. Iím always close. I like crows, darkness and shadows - which scares you for reasons you donít even fully understand.
Donít worry, Iím not you. When you think of the really morbid stuff you sometimes think of, cringing the whole while -- thatís me. I like how you act so appalled at the more gruesome thoughts I put into your head. You get so scared of them its humorous to me. Hey, that stuff is life. Itís not like none of those things have ever happened before. In case you havenít noticed, humans are capable of some pretty sick and twisted stuff in real life. Yet you cringe at the mere thought. What did I ever do to you that you resist me so much? Havenít you figured it out yet...Iím always close to you. You feed me by being averse to me. Remember that.
Iíll give you another thing too. Youíve grown tremendously. My job is harder now. But you still have weaknesses...and just as you think youíre all grown up Mr. Guru (HA HA)...Iíll slide right in real quiet and mess your head right up. Iíll have you feeding me in no time if you slip for even a second.
In case you havenít noticed already, which I know you have...Iíll spell your weaknesses out for you. Oh...and I dare you to try and do something about them. The paranoia - you know what Iím thinking of...thatís me. All it takes is a little on your part. Once the door is open I can stay as long as I want and you donít even realize whoís driving. Youíre quite the stubborn know it all too, arenít you? Well, in those moments when you are, guess what. Iím right there waiting to step in and do what I do best. Hate me all you will, but my demeanor is consistent. Call on me and that terrible heaviness you feel, Itís me.
Thatís what you donít fully understand yet. Iím powerless when youíre not giving me life...but Iím always waiting for the right opportunity -- then you invite me in! I love it! At those points I block your emotions, make you heavy and tell you endless tales of gloom and doom. The clouds are always grey and the air is always bone chilling when Iím running the show. The more you listen the more power I have. I liked you so much better when I was able to stay for months at a time....
You know all those times you would be happy for about two or three days? It was unreal! Really though, it was unreal. High highs based on feelings you had that were laced with unfulfilled desires...Oh what foolish lovers do. Ha! Those were the days...For me to shine and you to suffer. We can do that all over again if you want. I know, I know...The thought makes you cringe...Donít worry though, youíre still a fool when it comes to love. The only trouble is youíve learned to tune into some of the others...The happier ones, but I still have you....
In case youíre still wondering...Iím one of the voices in your head. No, youíre not crazy, everyone has those voices -- theyíre your thoughts. I can make you think youíre me, but youíre not - and Iím not you. I am, as I am though. And still, I wait, lurk, whisper and remain opportunistic. When you arenít careful, Iíll be running the show in the mere blink of an eye. Watch me.Ē
About the author:
Paul is available for speaking engagements, Workshops and sharing Alignment Science. http://www.alignmentscience.com